I can’t resist a Wetherspoons in the morning. Later on in the day, you can keep ‘em for me, but in the morning they’re just inspired. The Company Inn on Nottingham’s Canal Wharfe waterfront was my second in two days, and I didn’t have a drink in either.
Oh no. No early morning pint for me. The words of my father cautioning any excess; Them that’s in the pub first thing on the morning after they retire, will be in the pub every day for the rest of their lives! And they’d already have been in there, on every Saturday and Sunday, Bank holiday, etc. before.
I guess that’s what a Wetherspoon’s morning brings, the hardened professional drinkers, shuffling in clutching a red top of choice.
I often wonder why AA don’t recruit directly at source, there’s no shortage of supply here, and they’re not hard to spot, although most GP’s would have everyone on the ‘spoons early morning parade down as an alcoholic.
It’s not confined to any specific social strata neither, I once saw a very well dressed chap, sat on his own in the Hamilton Hall, polish off a bottle of red before our breakfast was even served.
It’s not just hardened drinkers though, what about the lonely chaps who crave a little company and camaraderie, as much as a pint of John’s Smooth; never varies lad, you can’t go wrong.
I’ve heard many people say it before, but does Mr Martin actually provide a valued public service here. Hold on, shouldn’t social services have a desk in every ‘spoons too?
I don’t want to sound mocking. I shouldn’t, life’s ills strike us all from time to time. Some get struck more than others. And if you watch closely, many seem to be perpetual victims. Thing is, four pints of whatever before eleven o’clock isn’t going to achieve anything other than prolong the misery.
I guess there’s some people reading this thinking, ‘Hey up, that’s me he’s on about!’ It’s not, I simply refer to the imaginary Man in the Moon under Water. You all know who he is, we’ve all seen him, and less frequently, her.
There’s nothing wrong with having an odd one with your breakfast on a day out. No, nothing wrong with it at all. I do it myself sometimes. I can’t resist when it says something like ‘Breakfast Porter’ on the pump clip. Now there’s a thought for Wetherspoon’s big suppliers, promoting through legitimising.
Strangely, The Company Inn didn’t seem to be what I describe. There were no ‘Man in the Moon under Water’ to be seen, not even along the canal side, who’s grassy banks were strewn with the remnants of the carrier bag and bull terrier cross types previous days drinking. You know, the ones who can neither afford, nor get served in ‘spoons. Well they could, but they got slung out by 1pm and were asked not to come back.
Mind you, it’s a bank holiday, so maybe the old lads are having a day off? Maybe they don’t know the ‘Lloyd’s Number 1’ branding is actually Wetherspoons at all and they’re all sticking to the other four ‘spoon’s in the NG1 postal area? Mind you another one of those is a Lloyd’s Number 1 too.
Maybe, like me, they’d been down here the day before and seen how a pretty canal side area can be transformed into a place that’s not for old men. Denying them by cramming the waterfront with as many Vertical Drinking Establishments as possible.
However you look at it that’s what The Company Inn is a VDE, indeed what the ‘Lloyd’s Number 1’ brand represents. A chain of chameleon bars that changes throughout the day, ending up as an early hours disco, yet unable to mimic a pair of piss stained slacks with grubby marks around the pockets at any time.
I found the absence of old men and professional drinkers quite perturbing. In fact the only redeeming feature was the cheery gent polishing the glass doors at the entrance.
Yeah, there were a few weakenders like myself who were bunkering up on the cheap and cheerful breakfasts, traipsing back and forth to the bottomless coffee machine.
Like I say, I didn’t have a beer, but the carpet scored a 3 on NWCSS for originality, a 1 for threadbareability and a clear 5 for the most sticky, sour smelling, drink soaked carpet known to man.
The breakfast was decent though, and as I ate it, I pondered on which Nottingham branch of Mr Martin’s emporiums the Man in the Moon under Water would be sat on this fine sunny day?
A whole post on Wetherspoon’s, and I didn’t mention mobility scooters once! Maybe The Company Inn is just far enough out of the way, even on a mobility scooter. Perhaps it’s been put here on purpose?